Today has been really hard for me. It was supposed to be one of my good Sundays, but it turned out to be my least expected day. October has been started for two days and I was really hoping to have a better start in this month. But it was not as good as I expected after all.
Yesterday was quite enjoyable for me. I spent time with my brother and sister. We went to MOI together to have our super-late-lunch in the afternoon. I bought a pair of flat shoes to make my day. To cheer me up actually. Cause I'd been spending time for my thesis task in the morning where I got stuck in the middle and I couldn't complete it. I know.. such a rough Saturday morning. But the rest of the day went so far so good.
This morning, however, was a complete different situation in compared to yesterday. Yesterday morning I went through a hard time finishing my work but it went away because I had a good afternoon. Today, on the other hand, I had my worst Sunday morning ever in my entire life. I got a problem, in which, I couldn't tell. To anyone, even to my closest friend. It was the moment when I tried to be the best, but it's not good enough for 'them'. I have improved myself, but that's not making anything to be any better. I was in a condition where some people always suspecting me to be the wrong ones. I feel something that others can't feel. I've got lots of stories though, or more precisely, problems to be shared but I don't want people to know what I've been through. I just want them to know who I'm in the outside, not the inside. People can know my happiness, but they don't have to know my sadness. Let I keep it with myself. And that is actually one of the problems I faced. I don't have the guts to share. Even if I can share, I don't know where to start, how to start, and how to explain. I just want myself to be capable enough of solving my own problems. To be mature enough to finish what I had started. Involving someone is not gonna make anything to be less complicated. I just can't tell, really.
Hours had passed and problem has not been solved. But I remembered about my grandma's invitation. She invited all of us to have lunch together for her birthday treat. My dad picked us (me, sister and brother) and we went to Pondok Indah Mall together. We had our lunch at American Grill. Sounds yum, isn't? But I just can't feel the taste. The steak I ate was not tasteless, it was good, but my mood was not supporting my appetite at all. So, it just went okay. I ate as much food as I can and took pictures as much as possible to throw away my sorrow.
..but it didn't help.
Look? Tasty, eh? Screw my mood. It just didn't come at the right moment.
And when I reached home, I felt the exact same feeling I got from the morning. Feeling as useless as it can be. That won't stop until now.
I'm here, typing the words, thinking of the right sentences, trying to feel happy just by writing it down, but it won't help. I still got that feeling. I tried to distract my mind once I got home. I used to distract my mind by doing something; either studying or finishing my task. But I couldn't keep my head focused. My mind brought me to every single thing I went through this morning. It sucks.
Hhhh. I should go back to the reality, bunch of works to do. Goodbye.
